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Job description makeovers: 10 before and after rewrites that show the Give and Get
See other posts from by Melanie Murphy
CMO
Ten typical job descriptions, rewritten to show what the employer gives as well as what it asks. Every before is a composite we wrote, every after keeps the same job, and you can copy the template and the job page layout.
10before and after rewrites
51stock phrases in the originals
0stock phrases in the rewrites
7rules used for every rewrite
Executive summary
- A good job description describes the work, not the ideal person, and shows what the employer gives as well as what it asks in return. We call that the Give and Get.
- We rewrote ten typical job descriptions, across a contact centre, a warehouse, a ward, a software team, marketing, graduate hiring, HR, delivery, data and retail, to show the difference.
- Every 'before' is a composite we wrote in the style of common job ads, so nobody is being picked on. Every 'after' keeps the same job, and uses square brackets for facts you must replace with your own.
- On our ten composites, the originals contained 51 stock phrases (words such as dynamic, fast-paced, passionate and competitive) against 0 in the rewrites. This is a count on our own examples, not a market statistic.
- The guide includes a job page layout with a clear Give and Get section, and a free template you can copy.
- The seven rules are consistent with guidance from Acas and NHS Employers: describe the job, use plain and inclusive language, and avoid asking for years of experience without a reason.
What are the Give and the Get?
The Give is what you offer a candidate: pay, hours, training, support, progression, the way you treat people. The Get is what you ask in return: skills, hours, shifts, travel, effort, and the hard parts of the job. A job description that only lists what you want from the person is half a page. One that only lists benefits is not believable. Candidates trust pages that show both. We call this Sell The Truth: describe the job as it is, including the hard parts, and show the support that goes with it.
Seven rules we used for every rewrite
- Say what the job is in the first two sentences. Candidates decide quickly. The opening should say what they will do and who for.
- Describe the work, not the person. Acas advises inclusive language that defines the job, not the applicant. NHS Employers advises describing what the service needs, not what you want.
- State the Give and the Get side by side. Show pay, hours, training and support next to the shifts, targets and demands.
- Separate must-haves from learnable skills. Keep the must-have list short. Say what you will teach.
- Show the hard parts. On-call, early starts, peak periods and difficult conversations are better said now than discovered later.
- Put pay and pattern where people can see them. Pay, location and hours should be visible without scrolling. Pay information rules vary by country, so take legal advice.
- Cut stock phrases. Words such as dynamic, fast-paced, passionate and 'other duties as required' take space and tell candidates nothing.
Ten makeovers
Square brackets show facts you must replace with your own. Every before is a composite written in the style of common job ads.
Makeover 1: Customer service advisor (retail bank contact centre)
Before
We are looking for a dynamic and passionate Customer Service Advisor to join our fast-paced contact centre. The successful candidate will be a self-starter with excellent communication skills and the ability to work under pressure. You will be responsible for handling customer queries, resolving complaints and meeting KPIs. Experience in a similar role is essential. We offer a competitive salary and benefits package. Other duties as required.
After
Customer Service Advisor, contact centre (hybrid)
You will answer calls and chats from customers who need help with their accounts, and fix the problem on the first contact wherever you can.
What you will do
- Take around [40 to 60] calls and chats a day, mostly about cards, payments and online banking.
- Fix the issue yourself, or pass it to a named specialist team with the full story so the customer never has to repeat it.
- Have a [30-minute] coaching session with your team leader every week.
What we give
- [Six] weeks of paid training before you take live calls.
- A named buddy for your first [three] months.
- Pay of £[range], with shift allowances listed on this page.
- Hybrid working after training: [two] days at home.
What we ask
- Shifts on a rota that includes some evenings and Saturdays. The rota pattern is published here.
- Staying calm and clear with customers who are upset or worried about money.
- Completing regulatory training on schedule. No contact centre experience is needed.
What changed and why
- The first sentence now says what the job is. The old version described the person.
- Stock phrases such as dynamic, fast-paced, self-starter and KPIs are replaced by the actual work and a coaching routine.
- The hard part (upset customers, rota) is stated, along with the support that goes with it.
67 words before, 159 after6 stock phrases before, 0 after
Makeover 2: Warehouse operative (distribution centre)
Before
Warehouse Operative required for busy distribution centre. Duties include picking, packing, loading and unloading, and general warehouse duties. Must be able to lift heavy items and work in a fast-paced environment. Flexible approach to hours essential. Forklift licence desirable. Competitive rates of pay. Immediate start.
After
Warehouse Operative, days or nights, fixed shift pattern
You will pick and pack customer orders and load vehicles in our distribution centre, on a shift pattern you will know before you apply.
What you will do
- Pick and pack orders with a handheld scanner that checks each item, so you know straight away if something is wrong.
- Load and unload vehicles as part of a team of [four].
- Lift items up to [20] kg by hand. Heavier items are moved with equipment, and training shows you how.
What we give
- Pay of £[hourly rate] an hour, with night and weekend premiums listed here.
- A shift pattern fixed for [13] weeks at a time and published in advance.
- Paid forklift training and licence after [six] months, if you want it.
- Safety boots and clothing supplied, and free parking.
What we ask
- Being on your feet for the whole shift. [State honestly if one section is chilled.]
- Following safety rules on every shift, with no exceptions.
- Starting on time at [6.00 am]. Peak weeks, usually [November and December], may need extra shifts, with [two weeks] notice.
What changed and why
- 'Flexible approach to hours' and 'immediate start' say nothing. The pattern, start time and peak weeks are now stated.
- 'Heavy items' becomes a figure and a promise about equipment.
- 'Competitive rates' becomes a pay line and the premiums.
45 words before, 176 after4 stock phrases before, 0 after
Makeover 3: Staff nurse (hospital group medical ward)
Before
We are seeking a compassionate and dedicated Registered Nurse to join our thriving team. The ideal candidate will deliver high quality patient care, work as part of a multidisciplinary team and demonstrate a commitment to excellence. NMC registration is essential. A positive attitude and flexibility are a must. We offer a supportive environment and excellent development opportunities.
After
Staff Nurse, medical ward
You will care for a group of up to [eight] patients on a busy medical ward, working with doctors, therapists and healthcare assistants.
What you will do
- Plan and give care for your patients across a [12.5-hour] shift.
- Lead handover to the next shift and keep families informed.
- Supervise healthcare assistants and support student nurses on your shift.
What we give
- [Two] weeks of supernumerary induction, so you learn the ward before you carry a full group.
- A named senior nurse as your preceptor for [12] months if you are newly registered.
- A rota published [six] weeks ahead, with shift requests in a self-service system.
- [Five] funded study days a year, and pay at band [X] (£[range]).
What we ask
- Current NMC registration, or a date when it will be in place.
- [12.5-hour] shifts including nights and weekends, about [one weekend in three].
- Caring for people who are very unwell. Some shifts are tiring in body and mind, so we offer [clinical supervision] and an employee support line.
What changed and why
- Words such as compassionate, dedicated and thriving are replaced by what a shift involves.
- The Give is specific: induction, preceptor, rota notice, study days.
- The Get is honest about the weight of the work, next to the support.
57 words before, 164 after6 stock phrases before, 0 after
Makeover 4: Senior software engineer (payments technology company)
Before
We are looking for a rockstar Senior Software Engineer to join our fast-growing fintech. You will work with cutting-edge technologies in a dynamic, agile environment. Requirements: 8+ years of experience, expert knowledge of Java, Python, Go, AWS, Kubernetes and Terraform. Must be a team player with a can-do attitude. Competitive salary, equity and benefits.
After
Senior Software Engineer, payments
You will design and build the payment services that [thousands of] small businesses use to take card payments, in a team of [six] engineers.
What you will do
- Design, build and run services in Java on AWS.
- Review code and mentor [two] mid-level engineers.
- Join the on-call rota, one week in [six], paid at £[rate].
What we give
- Pay of £[range] plus equity. We explain how the equity works and show a worked example on request.
- [Four] days a year of focused learning time and a conference budget.
- Releases to production [several times a day], backed by automated tests.
- Remote within the UK, with [two] team days a quarter.
What we ask
- Experience building and running services in production. We look at what you have built, not at years served.
- Java today. Go and Kubernetes you can learn here.
- Clear written communication, because the team works in short design documents and code review.
- Being on call for your own services.
What changed and why
- 'Rockstar', 'cutting-edge' and 'can-do attitude' are dropped.
- A years-of-experience requirement is replaced by the experience that matters (the NHS Employers guidance also advises against asking for years of experience).
- The must-haves are separated from what the person can learn, and on-call is stated.
54 words before, 154 after5 stock phrases before, 0 after
Makeover 5: Marketing manager (consumer goods company)
Before
An exciting opportunity has arisen for a creative and results-driven Marketing Manager to join our award-winning team. You will develop and execute integrated marketing strategies, manage budgets, and drive brand awareness. The ideal candidate is a strategic thinker with a hands-on approach, a proven track record and strong stakeholder management skills. Competitive salary and benefits.
After
Marketing Manager, snacks range
You will own marketing for our snacks range in the UK, from the plan to the launch, with a budget of £[amount] and a team of [two].
What you will do
- Write the yearly plan and run [three] launches, working with [two] agencies.
- Own the budget and report results to the commercial director every [month].
- Work with the sales team to plan promotions with retailers.
What we give
- Decisions that are yours: you approve creative and media up to £[amount] without sign-off.
- A seat in the monthly commercial meeting, where the plan is agreed.
- Pay of £[range], with a bonus of up to [X]% paid on results you can see in the plan.
- [Two] days a week at home.
What we ask
- Targets for [sales and awareness], reviewed every quarter.
- Working with a sales team that often wants short-term wins, so you will need to make the case for the long term.
- Travel to our [Leeds] factory about [two days a month].
What changed and why
- The vague duties become the range, the budget and the team.
- The Give names real decision rights and bonus rules.
- The Get admits the tension between sales and brand.
55 words before, 156 after8 stock phrases before, 0 after
Makeover 6: Graduate engineer (manufacturing company)
Before
Our Graduate Programme offers an unrivalled opportunity to kickstart your career with a global leader. We are looking for ambitious, high-achieving graduates with a 2:1 degree who are passionate about engineering and eager to make an impact. You will gain exposure to different areas of the business and be supported by mentors. Be part of something bigger.
After
Graduate Engineer, [two]-year programme
A [two]-year programme with [four] six-month placements in design, manufacturing, quality and customer projects, ending in a permanent engineering role.
What you will do
- Work on a real project in each placement, for example [a new packaging line or a quality improvement].
- Report to a named manager in each placement and meet your mentor every [month].
- Present your work to the leadership team at the end of the programme.
What we give
- Pay of £[range], rising at the end of each placement.
- Fees paid for [IMechE or IET] membership and support towards chartership.
- Relocation support of up to £[amount] if a placement is at another site.
- How many graduates from last year's group were offered permanent jobs: [number].
What we ask
- A degree in [an engineering subject]. Tell us if your degree is different but your experience fits.
- Moving between sites for placements. You tell us your preferences and we try to match them but cannot promise.
- Learning the ordinary parts of the job too. Some placements involve shift handovers and paperwork, and we say so.
What changed and why
- 'Unrivalled' and 'something bigger' are replaced by the structure of the programme.
- The outcome is stated, with a number the employer should publish.
- The Get is honest that placements are not all glamorous.
58 words before, 170 after6 stock phrases before, 0 after
Makeover 7: HR business partner (manufacturing company)
Before
The HRBP will act as a trusted advisor to senior leaders, partnering with the business to deliver HR solutions aligned with strategic priorities. You will provide advice on employee relations, drive talent initiatives, and support change management. CIPD qualification preferred. Excellent stakeholder management essential. Fast-paced environment with multiple priorities.
After
HR Business Partner, two sites
You will be the HR lead for [two] sites and [450] colleagues, working with the site directors on people issues from absence to restructures.
What you will do
- Advise managers on employee relations cases and run cases from first meeting to hearing, with an employee relations specialist behind you.
- Run a people review with each site director every [quarter].
- Lead the people side of a restructure at [one] site. We will tell you the scale at interview.
What we give
- A place on each site's leadership team, so you are in the room when decisions are made.
- CIPD Level 7 funded if you do not already hold it.
- Pay of £[range] and a car allowance of £[amount].
- A team of [one] HR adviser and access to a shared service centre.
What we ask
- Travel between sites [two days a week].
- Working with a recognised trade union and handling difficult conversations.
- Being present on site, including some early shifts, to build trust with shop floor teams.
What changed and why
- 'Trusted advisor' and 'strategic priorities' become the sites, the headcount and the rhythm of work.
- The Get names the union relationship and travel up front.
- The restructure is mentioned honestly, not left for the interview.
49 words before, 160 after3 stock phrases before, 0 after
Makeover 8: Delivery driver (food distributor)
Before
Delivery Driver wanted. Must have a clean licence and be reliable. Early starts and flexibility required. Duties include delivering goods to customers, loading the van and general duties. Good customer skills essential. Competitive pay.
After
Delivery Driver, chilled food, [Leeds] area
You will deliver chilled food to about [25] restaurants and shops on a regular route, starting at [4.30 am].
What you will do
- Check and load your van with the day's orders, with a team to help.
- Drive a regular route of about [20 to 25] stops and finish, on most days, by [1.00 pm].
- Record temperature and delivery checks on a handheld device.
What we give
- Pay of £[hourly rate], with overtime at £[rate].
- The same route most weeks and your own van, so you get to know your customers.
- Uniform, handheld device and fuel card supplied.
- Your afternoons free on most days.
What we ask
- A category B licence with no more than [three] penalty points. We check at the offer stage.
- Starting at [4.30 am] on [five days out of seven], with some weekends on the rota.
- Lifting crates up to [15] kg, and keeping hygiene and temperature rules every day.
What changed and why
- 'Reliable', 'flexibility' and 'general duties' become the hours, route and checks.
- A clean licence is turned into a clear rule.
- The early start is shown as the trade-off for free afternoons.
34 words before, 153 after2 stock phrases before, 0 after
Makeover 9: Data analyst (charity)
Before
We are looking for a talented Data Analyst to join our passionate team. You will transform data into actionable insights, build dashboards and work with stakeholders across the organisation. Strong SQL and Excel essential, Power BI or Tableau desirable. Degree in a numerate subject required. A great opportunity to make a difference.
After
Data Analyst, fundraising and services
You will turn fundraising and service data into the monthly reports our directors use to decide where to spend. You join a team of [three].
What you will do
- Maintain [12] regular reports and answer questions from teams, usually within [two] working days.
- Clean and join data from our [supporter database and finance system]. Much of it is untidy, and fixing it is part of the job.
- Explain what the numbers do and do not show, to people who are not analysts.
What we give
- Work that changes where we run services: your reports are used in the monthly spending meeting.
- Pay of £[range] (our pay scale is published), [27] days' holiday and a training budget of £[amount].
- Hybrid working with [two] office days a week.
- Time to learn: [one day a month] for training.
What we ask
- SQL you can use without help, and confident Excel.
- Using [Power BI]. We will teach you if you have not used it.
- A degree is not required if you can show us you can do the work.
- Patience with data that is not perfect.
What changed and why
- 'Actionable insights' and 'stakeholders' become reports, deadlines and a meeting where the work is used.
- The old 'degree required' line is replaced by a skills test, which widens the pool.
- 'Make a difference' is shown, not claimed.
52 words before, 177 after6 stock phrases before, 0 after
Makeover 10: Store manager (homeware retailer)
Before
We are recruiting for an enthusiastic Store Manager to lead our store team and deliver exceptional customer service. You will drive sales, manage stock, and ensure compliance. The right candidate will be flexible, with a proven retail management background and strong leadership skills. Competitive salary with bonus. Weekend working required.
After
Store Manager, homeware
You will run one of our homeware stores: a team of [18], sales of about £[amount] a year, and your own rota.
What you will do
- Set the rota for your team [four] weeks ahead.
- Review weekly sales and stock results with your area manager.
- Recruit, coach and manage the performance of your team.
What we give
- Salary of £[range] plus a bonus paid [quarterly]. [State the share of managers who earned it last year.]
- [Every other] weekend off.
- A development path: [two] of our last [five] area managers started as store managers.
- Staff discount of [X]%.
What we ask
- Working [one in two] Saturdays and Sundays.
- Opening and closing the store and holding the keys.
- Running through the peak, [November and December], when holiday cannot be taken.
What changed and why
- 'Flexible' and 'weekend working' become a stated pattern.
- The bonus rule is visible, with the real share who earn it.
- Peak season is named as part of the Get.
50 words before, 122 after5 stock phrases before, 0 after
The job page layout
A good description needs a page that shows it. This layout puts pay, location and pattern first, then the job in two sentences, then outcomes, then the Give and the Ask side by side, then a day in the job, then the next step.
1. Title, location, pattern and payEverything a candidate screens on, without scrolling.
2. The job in two sentencesWhat they will do and who for.
3. What you will doThree to five outcomes in plain words.
4. What we givePay, hours, training, support and progression.
4. What we askShifts, skills, effort and the hard parts. Same size as the give box.
5. A day in the jobWith a person from the team.
6. Apply and what happens nextA visible apply button, and the next step with timings.
- Keep the structured data in step: your job page markup (Google JobPosting) should carry the same title, pay, location and closing date as the visible text.
- Use real headings and lists so screen readers and search engines can follow the page.
- Keep the Give and Ask boxes the same size, so neither is hidden.
What we measured on the ten examples
Stock phrases in each job description, before and after
Count of stock phrases from our list of 34. Lower is better.
BeforeAfter
- Customer service advisor6
0 - Warehouse operative4
0 - Staff nurse6
0 - Senior software engineer5
0 - Marketing manager8
0 - Graduate engineer6
0 - HR business partner3
0 - Delivery driver2
0 - Data analyst6
0 - Store manager5
0
A count on our ten composites only, not a market statistic.
| Role | Words before | Words after | Stock phrases before | Stock phrases after |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| Customer service advisor | 67 | 159 | 6 | 0 |
| Warehouse operative | 45 | 176 | 4 | 0 |
| Staff nurse | 57 | 164 | 6 | 0 |
| Senior software engineer | 54 | 154 | 5 | 0 |
| Marketing manager | 55 | 156 | 8 | 0 |
| Graduate engineer | 58 | 170 | 6 | 0 |
| HR business partner | 49 | 160 | 3 | 0 |
| Delivery driver | 34 | 153 | 2 | 0 |
| Data analyst | 52 | 177 | 6 | 0 |
| Store manager | 50 | 122 | 5 | 0 |
| Total | 51 | 0 |
Stock phrases are counted from a list of 34 words and phrases. The after versions are longer than the before versions. That is deliberate: they carry the specifics that were missing. The counts apply only to these ten composites.
How to use this on your own job descriptions
- Pick your five most-hired roles.
- Ask a person who does the job to write the Give and the Get in their own words.
- Use the free template to structure it, and fill every bracket with a real fact.
- Check pay, equality wording and checks (right to work, references) with HR or legal.
- Publish, and look at job views and application starts for the old and new page over a few weeks.
Free download: the Give and Get job description template
A free template to structure your own job descriptions, with a bracket for every fact you need to fill in.
Frequently asked questions
What is a good job description?
A good job description tells a candidate what the job is, what they will do, what the employer gives and what it asks in return. It describes the work rather than the ideal person and uses plain, inclusive language.
How do you write a job description?
Start with the job title and a two-sentence summary. List three to five outcomes. Add what you give and what you ask, including pay, hours and the hard parts. Keep must-haves short and say what can be learned.
What should a job description include?
The title, location and working pattern, pay, a summary, the main outcomes, what you give, what you ask, who the person reports to, and how to apply. Acas provides outline templates.
Should a job description include salary?
Candidates look for pay first, and many employers now show it. Rules differ by country and are changing, so take legal advice and check local requirements.
What is the difference between a job description and a job ad?
A job description defines the role for the employer, for evaluation and management. A job ad or job page is written for candidates, and should be clearer, shorter and more honest about both sides.
Can I ask for years of experience?
Be careful. NHS Employers advises against asking for years of experience, because it can be unfair on age and gender grounds. Ask for the experience and skills the job needs.
What are the Give and the Get?
The Give is what you offer: pay, hours, training, support, progression. The Get is what you ask: skills, hours, effort and the hard parts. Showing both makes a job page more believable.
Is there a free job description template?
Yes. Acas publishes outline templates, and we provide a free Give and Get template with this guide.
Related reading
Free Careers Website Audit: a 40-point scorecard and checklist for employer brand and TA leadersEmployee stories on careers websites: 12 formats, when to use each, and what great looks likeCareers Website SEO Study 2026: how 60 large employers set up Google for Jobs
Sources
- Acas, Job description templates: acas.org.uk/job-description-templates
- Acas, Advertising a job (inclusive language that defines the job, not the applicant): acas.org.uk/recruitment/how-to-advertise-a-job
- NHS Employers, Good practice on job descriptions: nhsemployers.org/publications/good-practice-job-descriptions
- Google Search Central, Job posting structured data: developers.google.com/search/docs/appearance/structured-data/job-posting
Limitations
- All job descriptions are composites we wrote. They are examples of a style, not samples of real employers.
- Figures in square brackets are placeholders, not recommendations or market data.
- The stock-phrase count uses our own list and applies only to these ten examples.
- This guide does not give legal advice. Pay information, equality and data rules vary by country.
Show the Give and the Get on your job pages
We build careers websites with job pages that show both sides. Talk to us about yours.
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